Respect Your Elders... But Not All Of 'Em

Everybody was a baby once. That's something really crazy to think about. Every decrepit. pathetic, helpless, confused old person you've ever seen has already lived an entire life full of good times and bad times, obstacles and rewards, struggles that they had to persevere and times of ease where they could just glide on through. They've experienced joy and sorrow. Some highs and lows that you may not even be able to conceive. Their parents are long gone. Their friends are gone. Even their spouse - gone. Just think, someone who's 90 could've very well lost their spouse of 40 years at the age of 60, remarried at 65, and their second marriage is as long as my fucking life! 

That 90 year old had siblings, parents, grandparents. He had a childhood best-friend, a high school crush. He probably started working at his most recent job before my dad was even born and retired a decade before my birth. My entire life has taken place after his retirement. And I have the nerve to be impatient with him when he's in front of me in the checkout line taking a few extra minutes as he fumbles with his half-gallon of milk and three cans of chicken broth. I have the audacity to be aggravated when I miss the green light because he was going 12 mph under the speed limit. 

This is why they say "respect your elders." But that phrase has been distorted and re-purposed to mean "that 55 year old fat cunt who doesn't know shit and has never done anything worthwhile with her time besides be a fat cunt and make everyone around her miserable deserves the utmost respect simply because she's been plomping her fat ass around this planet for a handful of decades." Fuck all that shit. As far as I'm concerned, it's open season on old fat cunts. Man or woman - doesn't matter. Never take any shit from an old fat cunt! And damn it, there is a pretty discernible difference between the grumpy old lady who's just had a rough life full of heartache and misery and just some old fat cunt who never struggled for anything and just spent her entire life being a fat cunt until one day she woke up old and realized she finally had an excuse to be a fat cunt because now she's an old fat cunt. The biggest difference is the grumpy old lady who struggled all her life - walked uphill both ways to school, raised her siblings because her parents died in a tragic bean-farming accident, raised 13 kids of her own, and lost her husband to pneumonia - will NEVER pull the "respect your elders" card. The old fat cunt though? She's been saying "respect your elders" since she was 28, screaming at ornery adolescents. 

jake chrismanComment