Boogerology - Compiling a Comprehensive Booger Database

I don’t actually know, but I assume boogers are the byproduct of dirt from the air mixing with snot/mucus that is already in your face. It seems almost obvious. But I’m sure there are plenty of things that seem obvious that are actually way wrong. That being said though, where the hell else could boogers come from?

One possibility could be little booger trolls that live in your nose, eat the particles that fly in there, and spin boogers out of their ass like a spiderweb. 

I guess that’s probably the most likely scenario. But let’s pretend it’s not for a second. Let’s pretend it’s dirt mixing with shit that’s already in your face. How would that work? Well, snot is already there - it’s just some slimy spit-like stuff that is designed to protect your face from microscopic intruders, right? Sounds good.  

I wonder if different climates create different types of boogers.  

I’d like to collect boogers from every climate across the globe - including the international space station. 10 boogers from each climate. From each season within each climate as well. How many different climates are there? Let’s just go with 40. Sounds good.  

40 climates across the planet. 4 seasons per climate. 160. 10 boogers each. 1,600 boogers. I want to collect and examine 1,600 boogers and build an entire booger database. 

My name will be in science textbooks someday. I may even get my own fucking chapter! The founder of boogerology! Who knows what kind of epic scientific discoveries could come from my comprehensive booger research!!!   

Before I embark on the collection of 1,600 boogers from around the world, just to prove my dedication to the collection of boogers, I’m going to collect a booger a day from myself for the next year. Yep, that’s right. For the next 365 days I am going to collect a booger from my nose every 24 hours. Maybe I should collect two a day? One in the morning and one at night. Well, shit. In that case, should I collect four a day? One from each nostril, morning and night? I don’t even know if I have that many boogers. How would I even harvest them? With my finger? Would that taint the results? How would I store them? How would I keep boogers fresh for an entire year?!  

Damn it, science is so hard!  

You know what? I got this. It may take a little bit of research, but I could change the world with this breakthrough! 

Dr. Jake Chrisman, professor of Boogerology at the Chrisman School for Boogerological Studies.  

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