Control Freak

I’m an extremely anxious passenger. I almost always insist on driving. One reason is I get motion sickness pretty easily - I literally can’t make two full rotations of Ring-Around-the-Rosie with my kids without feeling a bit dizzy. 

If I’m in the backseat of a car, I’m feeling sick within minutes. Riding shotgun I can last a bit longer. But it’s inevitable either way. I could drive all day and never feel sick though. But really, much bigger than the motion sickness issue is the fact that I’m just such an anxious passenger. I can’t relax. I can’t calm down. I’m constantly vigilant, panicking, second-guessing the skills of the person behind the wheel. And I’m pretty sure that’s just a microcosm of my general disposition as a whole. I have a hard time trusting the competency or even intentions of other people. It’s not even in some arrogant, pompous, “I’m the best and nobody else can do it as good as I can” type of way. Truthfully, I think it must stem from some sort of parental dysfunction as a child. I just need to be in control to be comfortable. 

And don’t get me wrong... I see it as a flaw. Not a perk. I’d very much love to be able to just ride in a car and enjoy the scenery and the relaxing ride. I’d love to be able to just let go of the reigns and trust that someone else can get the job done just as good as (or better than...) myself. It’s not a matter of thinking I’m the best and nobody can compare. It’s a matter of it gives me immense anxiety to put my life in someone else’s hands. I guess I’ve got some trust issues. 

Rationally I know that the other drivers (both literally on the road and figuratively on the road of life) want to avoid accidents and safely reach their destinations just as much as I do and in order for me to drive, they must put themselves at the mercy of my abilities just the same. That just doesn’t help me at 70 mph while I’m in the passenger seat trying to enjoy the ride when all the sudden cars in front of us start hitting their brakes and my heart begins to beat out of my chest. 

jake chrismanComment