What’s the Deal w/Polygamy

People who marry multiple people. That’s a crazy thing. I wonder when polygamy started. I wonder how many cultures it has existed within. I wonder if all the cultures that have embraced polygamy have been religion-based. I know there are plenty of sub-sects of Christianity that embrace or have embraced polygamy. I also know it’s something that’s not uncommon within Muslim traditions. I also know the Quran is basically like a sequel to the Bible. Or maybe more accurately like when a really popular Disney movie gets a spinoff tv series on the Disney channel. The Bible is to Lion King as the Quran is to Timon & Pumba. 

I’m trying to imagine what it’d be like to be married to two, five, seventeen women. I’m trying to imagine what it’d be like to be one of the several women who are married to this one dude. What about the children?! A dude marries five women and has three kids with each of them. That’s... what? 21 people all living under one roof. 21 people in one home sounds hectic, crazy, stressful enough. Then figure in the fact that all the women are the wives to this one dude. All 15 kids are the children of this one dude. They each have four stepmoms - who live with them. 

That sounds terrible.  

There have got to be some polygamy cultures out there where the women have multiple husbands instead of the other way around. I wanna see a documentary about them. One woman with five husbands. How would that even work? That’s kind of sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an advocate for “traditional” polygamy, but it’s not hard for me to imagine it. One dude married to five women, with fifteen kids. I’d be willing to bet that’s a smooth-running household. All five wives work together, the children are well-behaved and well taken care of, there is a strong sense of community, and the patriarch runs things with an iron (yet loving) fist.  

But a woman with five husbands. The house is a wreck. The dudes are always fighting. There are only three children and two of them have the same father. Three husbands are jealous that they don’t get to have kids of their own. Dinner is gross. The laundry is never done. Nobody is satisfied sexually. 

Sounds like a fucking nightmare.  

But, hey... to each their own. Monogamy works for some people. Polygamy works for some people. Polyamory works for some people. Growing old and dying alone works for some people...  

To quote my good friend, Andrew Hazzlee, “what’s cool about life is you can do what you want.”  

jake chrismanComment