That’s Retarded

There’s a huge number of people who get offended when you say the word retard or any of its variations - retarded, retards. Well I guess that’s about it. Just those three. Some people get really offended. But are there any actual mentally handicapped people who get offended? 

Honestly, it doesn’t even matter. Because I love the word. It’s a great fucking word. Much like the word fuck, for that matter. It’s a word incapable of substitution. A word without replacement. And more importantly, it’s not even a word I even use to describe mentally handicapped people. I would never call a mentally handicapped person a retard. That’s fucking hateful and shitty.  

But some dumbfuck regurgitating obnoxious political talking points and starting fights with people on the internet? Retarded. Some snooty bitch read-ending me and giving me whiplash because she’s texting and driving and then getting an attitude when I mention the fact that she was texting and driving? Retarded. People who only watch reality tv and listen to pop music? Fucking retarded!  

None of those examples had anything to do with people who have the extreme misfortune of having a debilitating mental disability. But all of those examples are examples of people who are retarded.  

Quite often when I’m having a conversation and I mention that something/someone is retarded, the other person goes quiet. Hell, at my high school they ran a campaign and put posters all over the school that said shit like “NEVER SAY THE R WORD!”  

Really bitch? The R word? Why don’t you get back to me after you’ve rounded up all the people on Retard Island, brought them to America and forced them to work for free while you beat, rape, and torture them and sell their children and then only put a stop to that because of a massive, four-year, devastating, catastrophic war and then spent another 100 years fighting for retards to have equal treatment. Then, and only then, could you even think about getting away with some “R word” bullshit. 

“My second-cousin’s wife’s sister’s daughter is mentally challenged, so I don’t appreciate you using the R word to describe a situation that you find to be exorbitantly stupid!” 

Whatever you say, retard. 

jake chrismanComment