Curing Obesity w/Mandatory Nudity

If I were to walk around naked, I would get arrested. I would be charged with who knows how many different potential crimes. I would be put on some kind of sex-offender list. I could be jailed and possibly even put under some sort of mental health evaluation. That shit is crazy. Bat-shit fucking crazy. How long have people been wearing clothes? 20,000 years? Maybe?? At what point in time did clothes switch from tools to protect us from the elements into armor to protect unsuspecting primates from catching a glimpse of our natural bodies? I guess it was probably post-Christ. When it became a sin. I wonder how Ancient Greece, Egypt, etc. handled nudity. I want to be able to be naked. There is nothing unnatural about nudity. What’s unnatural is the revulsion and/or extreme arousal that is evoked from the sight of someone’s naked body. That extreme hyper-arousal comes from the fact that our naked bodies are so taboo. 

I wonder what the correlation is between mandatory clothing and people becoming obese. Fat people can hide from their bodies. You can hide out inside your clothes. Not just from other people, but from yourself. How easy is it to stay fat, get fatter, just completely lose sight of how you look or how unhealthy you are or how much cellulite you have or how many rolls you have or how saggy your man-tits are when it’s easier to just put on a sweater than it is to go to the gym a couple hours a week? I wonder how quickly people would fix their lifestyles and get overall healthier if one morning we woke up and it were illegal to wear clothes instead of the other way around. How many people would suddenly start to take their physical health seriously?  Because now they’re finally forced to face the fact that “oh shit, I’ve really let myself go!” No t-shirt to hide your love handles. No jeans to compact all your leg fat and provide you with a nice slimming illusion. 

Mandatory nudity may be exactly what we need to fix the obesity epidemic. What if we just did one day a week? Instead of casual Friday, how about Fully Nude Friday? Mandatory. “Oh, we’d hate for the children to be traumatized by seeing grown ups in their natural bodies!” We fail to realize that actual trauma comes from a complete absence of exposure to the natural world (our naked bodies being part of the natural world...). 

If I were a politician, that’d be the platform I’d run on. “I know how to fix the obesity epidemic! Nationalized Mandatory Nudity Once-Per-Week!”  

“Well, shit... I really wanna eat that cheesecake but it’s already Wednesday. If I’m gonna keep these ass-dimples at bay come Friday, I’d better skip dessert and go for a jog instead!”  


jake chrismanComment